“The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities.”
- Richard Baker, from Introduction to Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryo Suzuki

Waking up 2-1/2 hours before your alarm is never fun, especially when you can’t fall back to sleep and even more so when you’re carrying a full-term baby in your belly.  In my case this morning, not even my favorite body pillow could keep my thighs from aching, nor was my husband’s peaceful sleeping gaze calming enough to help me get comfortable and fall back to sleep.  Instead, my mind wondered and I knew it was just time to wake up and face the day.

With just 18 days before my “due” date, I’ve had no “nesting” instincts to clean the house, organize my life, or purge the excess from my drawers and closets.  Thanks goodness, my husband has.  Instead, I’m focusing on preparing for what is sure to be one of my biggest life journeys: labor (quickly followed by the even more intense “parenthood”).  Preparing for labor is intensely personal, yet it’s also the one experience (next to planning a wedding) that is accompanied by loads of advice from friends and family.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have immensely enjoyed hearing labor stories (especially those that are positive) and gaining inspiration and words of wisdom from women who have been through the experience, but I also know that the best way I can prepare for this journey is by trusting my own instincts and having faith that my vision for this experience does mean something.

Still, as I read the quote above this morning, I realize that approaching labor with the knowledge that I am completely inexperienced is important.  I anticipate that I will be less successful being in control during labor and more successful if I instead allow myself to completely lose control and simply accept the things that come.  However, along with acceptance needs to come some form of reasoning.  I can’t turn a blind eye while decisions are made for me, but must instead have the confidence to assert my voice in the choices and decisions that will need to be made for the healthy delivery of my son or daughter.

In the past few months, I’ve attended childbirth classes, read countless books, and prepared my house in every way possible for a new life that will forever change my own.  My goal now is to allow that preparation and knowledge to clear the racing mind that wakes me up at 5 am and allow it to fully embrace what is to come with the overall goal to live in the moment, embrace the experience, and let the magic of birth be the only lesson I need.

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