Opening to possibilities

“The mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all the possibilities.”
- Richard Baker, from Introduction to Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind by Shunryo Suzuki

Waking up 2-1/2 hours before your alarm is never fun, especially when you can’t fall back to sleep and even more so when you’re carrying a full-term baby in your belly.  In my case this morning, not even my favorite body pillow could keep my thighs from aching, nor was my husband’s peaceful sleeping gaze calming enough to help me get comfortable and fall back to sleep.  Instead, my mind wondered and I knew it was just time to wake up and face the day.

With just 18 days before my “due” date, I’ve had no “nesting” instincts to clean the house, organize my life, or purge the excess from my drawers and closets.  Thanks goodness, my husband has.  Instead, I’m focusing on preparing for what is sure to be one of my biggest life journeys: labor (quickly followed by the even more intense “parenthood”).  Preparing for labor is intensely personal, yet it’s also the one experience (next to planning a wedding) that is accompanied by loads of advice from friends and family.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have immensely enjoyed hearing labor stories (especially those that are positive) and gaining inspiration and words of wisdom from women who have been through the experience, but I also know that the best way I can prepare for this journey is by trusting my own instincts and having faith that my vision for this experience does mean something.

Still, as I read the quote above this morning, I realize that approaching labor with the knowledge that I am completely inexperienced is important.  I anticipate that I will be less successful being in control during labor and more successful if I instead allow myself to completely lose control and simply accept the things that come.  However, along with acceptance needs to come some form of reasoning.  I can’t turn a blind eye while decisions are made for me, but must instead have the confidence to assert my voice in the choices and decisions that will need to be made for the healthy delivery of my son or daughter.

In the past few months, I’ve attended childbirth classes, read countless books, and prepared my house in every way possible for a new life that will forever change my own.  My goal now is to allow that preparation and knowledge to clear the racing mind that wakes me up at 5 am and allow it to fully embrace what is to come with the overall goal to live in the moment, embrace the experience, and let the magic of birth be the only lesson I need.

What’s coming out of your faucet?

Years ago, in the break room at an old job, I was having a conversation with a somewhat crazy co-worker.  The break room is, after all, the only place I would have likely spent the time to talk with this particular co-worker.  As she took her turn at the microwave and I stood with one hand on the door ready to bolt back to my office, she turned on the water faucet.  The story she told me drifted into the back of my mind as I couldn’t help but focus all my attention to the water running furiously from the tap.  My co-worker turned away from the sink, continuing on with her story, letting the water continue to run and run…and run.  I stood in disbelief, wondering how long I could stand across the room before I marched over myself and turned the tap off.  After several minutes (literally) she noticed my stares at the faucet and reached over to turn it off.

I couldn’t help but imagine that this water-running act was one that this woman likely practiced all the time.  I pictured her preparing for a shower, running the water for several minutes before she hopped in.  Or, getting sidetracked each time she did the dishes and leaving the room for several minutes while the faucet continued to run.  And, at the same time, I wondered why I felt it impolite to just go over there and turn the faucet off myself, to make a point that she needed to be more conscious.

I’ve felt this way many times over the past few years as I’ve watched in horrid surprise as people stand for five minutes at a time with the refrigerator door open, or throw out bottles of old barbecue sauce because they don’t want to rinse them out in preparation for the recycling.  I’ve kept my mouth shut (usually) just because it’s not my right to tell people how to live their lives, especially when I still have a lot of learning to do on my own.  But I’ve also learned that environmentalism doesn’t have to be packaged as this “all or none” act that it often is.  Environmentalists seem to be marketed as if they can only be hemp-toting, Birkenstock-wearing hippies, and I think that gives the green movement a bad rap.  We shouldn’t try to get the country to feel like it has to change its entire lifestyle to fit more in line with environmental practices.  I’m not saying that it wouldn’t be nice if this could happen, but I just don’t think it’s practical.  And, the more we expect the average Joe to give up McDonalds for life, or even to reuse his containers from time to time, the more I really believe Joe begins to grow tired of the green movement and neglects its philosophies altogether.  But, isn’t there a way we can encourage small changes in order to make larger impacts?

I firmly believe that we should all try our hardest to incorporate more environmentally-friendly practices into each day of our individual lives, but I also think that the measure of what these practices entails has to be achievable in the context of our own lives.  And that can really only come with better understanding and education.  The more people begin to understand and accept those “easy” changes, the more they will be willing to take on those that are more complex.

So, let’s talk water.

If you still buy bottled water, keep in mind that you are not only contributing to a very unfriendly environmental practice, but you are also getting scammed.  Many of us believe that our drinking (and bathing, and cooking) water is becoming increasingly suspect and contaminated.  If this thought has led you to buy bottled water, consider the fact that the Environmental Working Group estimates that 25 percent of bottled water is tap water (Sorensen, 2010).  What’s worse is that bottled water is subject to fewer regulations than tap water, and the sheer manufacturing of the billions of water either thrown out or recycled is an environmental catastrophe on its own (and creates additional pollution that contaminates drinking water).  So, in other words, those who drink bottled water are really making our drinking water less safe.  And, while they are at it, they are depleting many third-world countries of their lakes, wells, and streams as these are often the areas where companies like Dasani (aka Coke) access water supplies.

So, what should you do if you’re worried about your tap water, but also don’t want to buy bottled water?  Simple: get a filter.  The EWG provides a water filter buying guide here.  (Additionally, you can check out the EPA’s Safewater site to see how your community’s drinking water measures up in Consumer Confidence Reports.)

Again, I don’t mean to point fingers at others, but do let me point one at myself.  My bath tub floor remains a constant murky gray color.  No matter how many times I’ve scrubbed with Seventh Generation all-purpose cleaner, it just won’t turn back to its pearly white “clean-looking” color.  So, in preparation for guests a few weeks back, I broke down and bought a Clorox-brand cleaner.  And now I feel guilty about it (especially since the tub floor is still just as gray as before).  Flushing toxic cleaning agents down my drain is contributing to the contamination of our water supply, and pumping it back into my faucet and, ultimately, my drinking water.  Getting rid of these toxic cleaning agents and finding natural replacements is a must.  Anyone have any good suggestions?

Reference:
Sorenesen, J. (2010, May). Is your water safe? Gulp! body + soul, 46, pp. 42-46.

Also, check out Flow, a documentary that investigates the world’s water crisis.

A blog that will soon have a new name…and pictures!

When we camped in the Redwoods last summer, were were intrigued by the campground at Gold Bluffs beach, but knew our chances of finding a campsite would be slim.  The campground is first come first serve and on the beach, so we opted to reserve a spot at Elk Prairie Campground instead to play it safe.  Driving into Gold Bluffs Beach Friday, however, we were optimistic that there would be spaces available.  It is March, after all.

The contrast from Elk Prairie to Gold Bluffs took us by surprise at first.  Gold Bluffs is exposed.  While there are trees surrounding the bluffs on the eastern side, the campground itself is made up of 20-some completely exposed spaces.  But, lying on the the Western side is the mighty Pacific Ocean.  And, from this view, mighty doesn’t begin to do it justice.  We chose a spot on the edge of the campground that not only had beach front views, but its own train that led about ten feet to the sandy ocean shores.

As we had driven most of the day through Oregon rain, we were thrilled to find clear blue skies, moderate temperatures, and a perfect spot to camp.

I’m working on my abs

With hesitancy, I entered the 30,000 sq. foot facility that is Bellingham Fitness.  I know the routine of joining the gym.  Low prices and appeals such as “it’s less than a dollar a day” stand ready to attack, this time by a young fellow named Jackson.  He showed me around the facility, introduced me to rows of treadmills, elliptical machines, bikes, circuit training stations, weights, stretching areas, and more weights.  I was an easy sell; it really had nothing to do with the eucalyptus steam room.

I shelled out my money, signed and initialed the highlighted areas, and left the gym with a new Bellingham Fitness keychain card and the promise to myself that my money would be well spent.

True to my word, I returned to the gym tonight with the aim of beginning my “Novice” 5-K training.”  As today is my day one on the schedule, all I had to do was a bit of cardio.  Run/walk – that’s it.  It was really up to me to determine.  The results, however, were completely unexpected.  Maybe it’s because I work from home and don’t see a lot of people on a regular basis in Bellingham.  Maybe it’s because my television has no channels and so rented seasons of Battlestar Galactica and documentaries from Netflix have made up the majority of my viewing pleasure for years now.  Regardless of the reason, I realized that joining a gym is going to do worlds for my knowledge of pop culture, breaking news, and basketball scores.  With just one 45-minute session, I learned that Jessica Simpson broke up with that football player (I guess that’s old news, but isn’t it great that I’m catching up even on old news), Tiger Woods hired Ari Fleischer to mend his damaged image, and I even got a glimpse at which tribe was forced to go to Tribal Council tonight on Survivor (yes, this show I watch compliments of Hulu).

With this newfound link to Entertainment Tonight, I may have just found yet another reason to maintain consistency at the gym.  Gossip shows or fitting into a wedding dress…regardless of the motivator, I’m excited to continue to report the results of my 5-K Novice Training.  More to come.

March madness much needed

Last weekend, I put on a pair of skis for the first time in 22 years.  The last time I went skiing, I came home with a cast that ran from my toes all the way up above my knee.  Since I was only 12 at the time, still growing with a spiral break on my tibia, I wore that cast for a long time, and then hobbled around on crutches for even longer.

My trip out in the snow last weekend was a safe one, primarily due to the fact that I was cross-country skiing, so the hills were less frequent and easily manageable (not that I didn’t still fall a few times).  Still, even with all the encouragement in the world, I was terrified.  But, I wasn’t afraid of falling or getting hurt.  I wasn’t even afraid of being far behind everyone else in my group.  Instead, I was crippled with a feeling of not being able to do something that others can do so easily.  I was sad that I had let this fear take me over for such a long time, and I was mad at myself for waiting all these years to try something new.

Now, I likely won’t find myself on a pair of skis again this season, but that doesn’t mean I have to keep sheltering myself from plunging into new activities and new risks.  I need to quit pretending to be active and actually become active.  Of course, blogging about this won’t change much, but it is a form of announcement that holds me accountable to change my old habits and get moving.

I’ve lost seven pounds since the new year, which makes me happy.  But the activity part of my new year is lacking.  In March, I vow to start moving.

The struggle to be a hyphenated girl

This past week, my advanced composition students and I read Emily Wong’s short essay, The Struggle to Be an All-American Girl. Our initial discussions about race and Wong’s desire to be “granted a cultural divorce” from her Chinese heritage so that she could better fit into American society sparked great enthusiasm.  Next, however, I encouraged each of my students to look beyond this primary focus of race and instead analyze why so many of them could relate to the essay so well.  Because I teach online, I don’t have a real way to tell if my students are Asian or not, but my guess is that the majority of them are not.  Still, almost all of them were able to relate to Wong’s position, likely because so many of us have had our own identity struggles in life.  Personally, I’d say the majority of my life up to this point has been one long identity struggle after another.

That struggle feels to be waning to some extent.  I’m perfectly content where I am, geographically and emotionally.  I’m getting ready to marry the man I know to be my soul-mate and I live in one of the most beautiful places in the US.  I feel lucky each and every day.  Still, I am faced with a huge identity crisis as I decide the fate of my last name, a decision I have 201 days to make.  I never thought it would be such a big deal to change my last name to my future husband’s.  My struggle isn’t rooted in feminist theory (although there are certainly points to be made there) – I don’t feel slighted, as a woman, to take a man’s name.  My struggle is that leaving my last name behind feels impossible, as if I’m giving up a part of myself.  But, I wonder, is that the point?  Are we supposed to give up a part of ourselves when we “join with another”?  Surely not.

My fiance really has no clue what this means.  No man really can.  And some women can’t either.  I envy those women – the ones that look forward to changing their names.

And, yes, I know I have options.  I could keep my last name, but I don’t think that’s the best decision in the long run.  I could take his last name, but I can’t help but feel like I’m giving in if I do that (although I don’t know what I’m giving in to).  There’s the middle last name option, but that feels like a cop out.

And then there’s the hyphen.  That one perfect little dash that joins two names into one.  It seems so simple and it makes so much sense…so why are so many people encouraging me NOT to do it?  They warn that it makes my name too long, it’s too hard to say, it’s annoying, it’s too much.  I’ve even said this myself in the past, when I’ve had professors with hyphenated last names.  ”I would never do that,” I honestly said.  But the truth is that I and these “other”  people won’t be the ones writing this name down each and every day.  Sure, they might have to add it to their address book and perhaps use it to address the occasional Christmas or birthday card to me, but how much of a nuisance can it really be for any other person?  And, why should I care if it is annoying to them?

But, like Wong, I fear that I’ll look back on this decision years later with regret, no matter which name I choose.  Perhaps the hyphen will feel like too much.  Perhaps I’ll want to have only the same name as my children.  Perhaps I’m making too much of this hyphenation dilemma in the first place.  It is, after all, just a piece of punctuation.  And so the dilemma continues…  Good thing there’s still 201 days to decide.

Goals for a new decade start with breakfast

My fabulous, long-time friend Leah recently sent me a comprehensive list (copied below) of New Year’s goals.  I was immediately drawn to the list since it started with “drink plenty of water.”  Simple, yet undeniably important.  However, it’s #2 on the list that I feel deserves our attention (#3 is even more important, but that’s for another post as I really want to talk about oatmeal today).

#2: Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

This goal makes all the sense in the world, but it’s the complete opposite of how we function, for the most part, as Americans.  If you’re anything like me, waking up in the morning is an ongoing challenge.  I’m lucky since my fiance sets the alarm for 6 am.  Otherwise, I’d sleep past 8 every morning…or 9…and I’ve certainly spent years of my life sleeping past 1o.  My late-morning slumber leads me to forgo a big breakfast in exchange for a small bowl of cereal or a piece of fruit.  I always thought this was a commendable start to the day.  Many, after all, rush out of the house with little more than an apple or perhaps a manufactured “breakfast bar.”  I know – I ‘ve been in that camp in the past too.

Neglecting the fact that our bodies have literally been fasting for the previous ten or so hours since last night’s dinner, we’re forgetting the fact that we need nourishment to get us through the morning.  What’s worse is that we tend to eat huge meals at dinner time, a meal that is often eaten way too late in the day to even have the slightest chance of being worked off.

I don’t blame these meal routines on the way I was raised or the society I live in.  There’s no one really to blame – that’s not the point.  But, somewhere along the line I feel as if we’ve not been properly told how to function as healthy human beings.  After all, we buy into diets that are manufactured by major business models (Weight Watchers, for example) that teach us nothing about nutrition and sell us foods that hinder our understanding of the relationships needed between our bodies and food.  Or, we invest our time into ploys like the South Beach Diet that literally rob our bodies of carbohydrates, energy-producing foods that can be instrumental in our body’s ability to function in a healthy manner when eaten in their whole state (i.e. brown rice, vegetables, beans).

Before my rant turns out of control, I must focus back on the mission here: breakfast.  So, let’s eat it.  I highly recommend Tosca Reno’s “Eat Clean Diet Cookbook,” which has an entire section devoted to breakfast foods.  However, here’s a recipe that’s in her “Eat Clean Diet” book for a fabulous breakfast porridge.  If you don’t have time to make this hot meal in the morning, make it the night before and warm up left-overs.  I did this the other day, adding a bit of rice milk to the pot, topping the warmed-up breakfast with bananas and just a bit of agave nectar and it was fantastic.

Clean-Eating Porridge (Thanks to Tosca)

Ingredients:

• 1/2 cup each: rolled oats, oat bran, rye flakes, barley flakes, and ground flaxseed (buy these in the bulk section of a health-food store or Whole Foods so you don’t have to blow your food budget)
• 2 cups water
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/4 tsp cinnamon and nutmeg
• 1/4 cup slivered almonds (this gives you the protein you need for the morning, but you could also add some protein powder for an extra boost)
• 1 medium grated apple

Instructions:

Mix all ingredients in a heavy saucepan.  Cover and place over moderate heat.  When mixture comes to a rolling boil, reduce heat to low and continue to simmer for another 20 minutes, stirring continuously.  when porridge is smooth and cooked through, remove from heat and serve.

HANDBOOK 2010 (Thanks to Leah)

Health:
1.       Drink plenty of water.
2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3.       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4.       Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5.       Make time to pray.
6.       Play more games
7.       Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9.       Sleep for 7 hours.
10.    Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11.    Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12.    Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13.    Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14.    Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.    Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Tosca told me to…black-eyed peas mark the new year

My mom gave me Tosca Reno’s “Eat Clean Diet” book for Christmas this year.  This book is the prequel to Reno’s “Eat Clean Diet Cookbook,” which has become a sort of recipe bible for me since discovering it a few years back.  Tosca’s diet is focused on eating whole foods and is based on simple nutrition.  We shouldn’t cut carbs out of our meals as the latest diet trends tell us.  We need carbs, just like we need fats and proteins.  We just have to know how to combine them and not overdo it.

So, armed with my grocery list of new items such as barley flakes and wheat germ, I attacked the local Co-op on New Year’s Eve…just in time to start my resolution out right.  I copied a few recipes, gathered my ingredients, checked my list, and headed to the check-out lane.  I eyed the four cashiers ahead of me with great speculation, deciding carefully just which I would choose to task with the job of weighing and entering the PLU’s of my many, many bags of grains, beans, and vegetables.  I chose the shorter, older gentleman on the end and proceeded to unpack my cart.

Pork…”ah,” he speculated as he began to scan my items.  ”This must be your choice for New Year’s Day.”  He could tell I was confused, a fact that was solidified when I told him that I chose the salmon for the first day of the new decade.  Gently, he explained that many people prepare pork for New Year’s Day as a symbol of good luck.  Not one to argue with tradition, I quickly changed my meal plan.  Pork it would be for a grand New Year’s feast.  Who says I can’t be flexible?  He continued to explain that many also cook black-eyed peas for the big day, once again to bring luck throughout the new year.  Well, it appeared that I didn’t even need to cook the pork, but only plan its preparation and luck was already on my side.  Ironically, only moments before, I had filled a bag with black-eyed peas, a legume I had never once cooked before in my entire 33 years of life.  Tosca, however, explained quite simply that black-eyed peas are in the green zone of clean eating.

“Well, I have those too,” I proudly told my friendly cashier.  Again, he looked up at me under his glasses with a face full of skepticism before he proceeded to recall a story of a time when he was completely famished, so much that he could have eaten a goat’s head.  He was in a third world country that escapes my memory at the moment and hopped upon a restaurant in search of food.  Seeing some sort of edible-looking wrap, he immediately ordered the pre-made meal and began to work on quenching his appetite.  After only a few bites, he simply could not continue eating the wrap whole, but instead had to pick each bite apart to discover the taste that threw him off.  Black eyed peas.  Hmmm…I thought to myself.  Is my luck changing so quickly?

I smiled politely at his story and simply mentioned that I was “trying something new.”  He smiled back, also politely, and continued scanning.  When he came across the peas, their black heads shining brightly on their pearl-white bodies that were innocently contained in a simple clear plastic bag, he looked up at me once again under his glasses.  Gripping the bag to feel the peas and then letting it fly into the air once or twice, he thought for a moment before he simply smiled and said, “good luck with these.”  Was this a challenge?  What could be better – a new year’s face off between my beloved Tosca and the Co-op clerk that would take place in my very own kitchen?

And so I soaked my black-eyed peas right before bed in the early hours of the New Year.  After less than 45 minutes of a slow boil, I had an entire pot of the legume before my eyes to mark the new year.  But, I wasn’t ready to simply shovel black-eyed peas into my mouth spoon full by spoon full.  Instead, I followed Tosca’s advice and mixed the cute little guys with with other clean eating ingredients to come up with a splendid side dish that I served right along my good luck pork.  And that’s how the new year began.

Today, just two days later, John and I finished the black-eyed pea concoction (I added hummus and feta cheese to the mix and housed it in a Ezekiel wrap for a meal on the go) while sitting on a piece of driftwood on the shores of Lummi Island.  Soon after our picnic, John found what is sure to long be one of our most prized agates.  I attribute the black-eyed peas to our good fortune.

I hope Tosca won’t mind, but I’m sharing her Black-eyed peas and brown rice recipe here:

Ingredients:

• 4 cups cooked, cold, long-grain brown rice
• 1-1/4 cup water
• 1 onion, chopped
• 2 celery stalks, chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/4 tsp. fresh ground pepper
• 3 cups cooked black-eyed peas (I made mine from dried beans, but Tosca says you can find these pre-packaged in the freezer section)
• 1 butternut squash (about 1 pound), peeled, seeded, and cut into cubes
• 1 red bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and finely chopped
• 1/2 tsp. hot pepper sauce

Instructions:

Put rice in a large bowl.  Gently separate the grains and break apart any lumps.  In a large frying pan, bring the water, onion, celery, garlic, and pepper to a boil, stirring frequently.  Add the black-eyed peas and squash and return to a boil, again stirring frequently.  Reduce to low, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, until the peas and squash are tender and most of the water has evaporated, about 20 minutes.  Add the rice, bell pepper and hot-pepper sauce.  Simmer, stirring and tossing frequently, until heated through, about 5 minutes.

Short on long-term goals

I can’t think of a better time to start a blog than the last day of 2009.  While it certainly might be cliche to end a year by vowing to adopt new, healthier habits, I wonder how many others find it necessary to put these plans into writing.  Somehow putting it out there for the world to read about holds me to a level of responsibility.  Or at least that’s the plan.

So, what’s in store for 2010?  Well…a wedding for one.  Which really means wedding planning, a task that I wearily accepted at first, but am now embracing more with each day and each new idea.  While I’m still a far cry from the true “brides” of the world, I have about 7 full months to put this thing together.  Of course, weight loss goals go hand in hand with most all wedding planning, and I’m certainly no exception to that.  However, my interest in nutrition is rooted in more than losing the pounds.  It’s focused on figuring out what it really means to be healthy and to live a healthy life for a long time to come.  It questions our food industry and challenges my lazy tendencies to get moving and stay moving.

I suppose a change in health is one of the most important long-term goals a person can have; however, this blog is about exploring more than just that…and more than just what color flowers to place in the middle of a table.  It’s about figuring out how to decide on long-term goals at 33.  While things are certainly going well for me, I have yet to figure out where my life goals lead.  While I have gotten by just saying that my only real goal is to be happy, I know that it takes more than that to live a full life.  So I have this year and I have this space to turn my short long-term goal list into a much longer, much deeper life mission.  Can’t that all fit inside a blog?